Warning: This post is just a way for me to write another list, apologies!
Tomorrow is exactly 1 year since I received the news that I had in fact got Cancer and began my long, continuing journey for recovery. I see this as a positive thing as looking back I have managed to do a lot with the year despite treatment.
I began with major surgery on my leg, learning to cope with being bed bound and then in a wheelchair, learning to walk again, radiotherapy for 6 weeks and 6 sessions of chemotherapy, yet I have managed to do some fun and memorable things. For example, I took a holiday to the Cumbrian Coast, lots and lots of afternoon teas, trips to London to see shows, a Spa Break with TCT, I got a Puppy, Holiday with Uni friends etc. I also managed to organise my own Charity Event which was an Afternoon Tea where we raised nearly £3000 for Teenage Cancer Trust. I also plucked up courage to sing a solo or two in front of everyone. I joined the Teenage and Young Adult Band which has helped a lot with my confidence not just in performing but socially too. During Chemo I met some of the players of Manchester United Football Club and also performed a solo whilst hooked up to Chemo at the hospitals Christmas Service. I went to London to see the Royal Ballet at the Royal Opera House and had a champagne Afternoon Tea at the Savoy. I went to the Royal Albert Hall and met Sir Roger Daultry and Noel Gallagher followed by an amazing performance by The Who. And of course then I walked on a Runway underneath Concorde, modelling a gown in aid of Teenage Cancer Trust.
I am very proud of how much Ive managed to do whilst being on treatment and at times very ill. I feel very lucky to have had all these opportunities and it is thanks to Teenage Cancer Trust and the Team at my hospital.
Since finishing treatment I feel very stressed when I have nothing to do, or nothing written in my diary. I am trying my best to fill my time but I also feel that I am doing this to avoid thinking. Becoming wrapped up in my thoughts is dangerous as it brings out anxiety and a feeling of hopelessness. I feel I am trying to keep myself occupied so I don’t end up doing that to myself. It is now very difficult to find enough things to do…. I’ve done everything!!!! Its a very panicky feeling and its becoming annoying!! Hopefully I’ll chill out soon!!! As cheesy as it sounds its as though I’m wanting to make the most of my time and to do interesting things with my life. I am lacking purpose at the moment which I used to get with my busy and intense job. I am aiming to return as soon as I can, hopefully by January 2018!!! LETS DO THIS!!!
(P.S. Nearly 8 weeks on & I now have eyebrows (kind of) and fuzz on my head! Hurray!)